A Year Yesterday

Actually, a year four days ago.  But still.

A little over a year ago, I got on a plane and flew nearly 6,000 kilometers to be with the man I love.  It was the single most intelligent and most meaningful thing I've done, the best decision I've ever made.  I still wake up smiling and often catch myself staring at him, trying to figure out how I got so lucky.

There were people who thought what I was doing was insane, that I wasn't prepared for the change or the financial challenge - and people who, though they tried very hard not to say as much, clearly thought there was a good chance the relationship would fail and I would be stuck in England, penniless and alone.  And a year (which simultaneously feels like a century and an eye blink) ago, I decided that on V Day 2012 I would write a big screw you to everyone who thought we wouldn't make it.

But, to be honest, I'm not bitter.  I knew those people where wrong then, I know that they were wrong now, and I'm still happy, so why bother?  The majority of them were just concerned for me, even if their concern showed itself in a way I didn't like.

I met him in August, in October I was in love and by November, so was he.  In February, we officially started our life together... and a year later, we're still going strong.

Fish in the Water

We left Brighton on Saturday night and today we move into our new place. We've been staying with friends in the meanwhile, having a gay old time.

On Sunday, we went to Salisbury Cathedral, Stonehenge and Bath. It was wonderful. I was most excited to see Stonehenge, but at the end of the day, I think the cathedral was the most amazing. We couldn't take pictures of the inside, but as we walked in and I heard the choir singing, I found myself fighting back tears. For people who haven't left North America, it's hard to comprehend the majesty of somewhere like this; we don't have any buildings as old or as grand to compare it to. If you're ever in England, go to Salisbury and see the Cathedral. I can't wait to go back on a day when it isn't in use and see the tower.

Today, being the day we move into the new place, I need to find a new job. Sometimes it seems like all I do is look for new jobs and new places to live... and then I remember all of the new experiences I've had since coming to the U.K. in February, and it seems like I complain a lot more than I ought. Anyway, I did relatively little with the place hunting this time around, so the energy I saved there can go into finding a job.

On that note, I should cut this short and get to it. I'll just mention that a) my end-of-post plug took up way too much space last time and needs to be shorter and b) AthenaMcCormick.com is currently down, but I'm working to get it fixed ASAP.

Aigaion Girl ... a story of the end of days is available on Amazon.com. Get your copy now!

New in the World of Me

Actually, not too much is new in the world of me, at the moment. Still working at the pizza place, still in the tiny room in the house in the middle of nowhere, still happy and content to a fault.

It's really sunny and beautiful out and really, I should be outside enjoying it - or at the very least, I should be putting the laundry in the washing machine now so that it can be be dry by tomorrow.

We went to Bournemouth the day before yesterday and had a grand time there. Other than being slightly less touristy, it doesn't really seem to be different from Brighton in any significant way. But it was a good day, spent with friends, and full of moments of quiet squee.

In other news, I designed another new T shirt (see the Jeff Goldblum dinosaur to the right). Have to say, I'm pretty pleased with it (Hehe, pretty pleased).

There was one other thing I was going to mention, but now I can't remember what it was. I hate when that happens, but it happens so frequently now that I'm pretty much used to it. Need more B12, I guess.

Additional: I remembered what it was. I was going to say that I'm quite pleased that Blogger finally introduced separate pages - but thinking about it, finally might be stretching it a bit; a few years ago, I looked into it and there was no way to have more than one page, and it never occured to me to check to see if that had changed until I visited this blog either last week or the week before and found that the author had set up multiple pages.

England is everything I could have hoped for, Brighton especially. I love the old buildings, the melancholy feeling in the air when it is cloudy, the remnants of camping and beaches and old fairs when there is sun.

I love the fashion here. Everyone is fashion conscious, which isn't to say they're well-dressed, but you can tell that time and consideration went into the choosing of every outfit, even the ugly ones. Still, there's a laid back feeling to it; these people dress the way they do not because it is popular, but because the genuinely want to look good.

I was a lot more impressed with central London than I was expecting to be. Maybe because we were there later in the evening or because of the time of year, but I didn't see any of the dirty, overcrowded mess that I had anticipated. It's lovely, incomparable to anything we have in Canada. Not somewhere I would live, given my dislike of people, but still somewhere I can see myself spending a lot of time quite happily.

I could write endlessly, I really could, but right now there's just way too much to see and do, so I'm cutting this short for the moment. More to follow, I'm sure.

Surreality

So I'm sitting at work for the last time, listening to classical music and thinking. I've got two hours left. Hard to believe after nearly 6 months working here.

Something has occurred to me over the past couple of days. I have had 10+ish jobs over the past 10 years and this is the only one that I've actually been sorry about leaving. Of course, I love that I'm going, and I LOVE why I'm going, but it's still going to be hard to say goodbye to this place and the people that make it what it is.

In some ways it feels like I've been here much longer than six months and in some ways it feels like I just got here. I can still clearly remember the 3 day bus ride, my first night in town, spent in room 120, my first nights in Cave Hell, all of it, really, from the summer. I remember being taken on a tour of the town, and, of course, meeting this intelligent, gorgeous man and agonizing over how I would ever get up the courage to ask him out :) It's forever ago and five minutes. Time is definitely malfunctioning here.

I have so much to do today. Most of it is laundry, some of it is packing and a fair bit will be deciding what stuff to donate to charity and what to do with things like that bigass painting that I did in (I'm going to say September, but I'm not sure). Somewhere in there, I need to have a nap, go to the gym, take down the Xmas tree, hopefully go to the bank, head to the post office. Then wings tonight and sushi tomorrow... and then it's off to Edmonton, early, early Friday morning.

It's a whirlwind. Even this shift, which consisted of one phone call, which I transferred, zoomed right by. I remember once, when I was little, we went camping and when I got into bed, I closed my eyes and counted to three. I don't know why I counted to three, but when I opened my eyes, it was morning. The whole night went by in 1... 2... 3. This feels kind of like that. In three seconds, I could be stepping into the arrivals area of the airport. Unbelievable, but deeply wonderful.

Valentine's Day

I figured I should write my Valentine's day post now, while I'm thinking about it, since I'm going to be way to busy, come the actual day.

I didn't used to be the biggest fan of Valentine's day. It's always struck me as kind of a weird holiday, way too commercial and based way too much of people's insecurities and fear of being alone.

BUT, since this Valentine's day will be nothing short of magical (I'll be landing in the U.K., after over 100 days of waiting* :), I'm a lot more pro V-day than I have been in the past. I am, of course, really looking forward to it this year. Of course, I would be anyway, even if to everyone else in the world, it was just another Monday.

AND (since we're starting whole paragraphs with conjunctions), on top of the impending wonderfulness of February 14th, I found the above Valentines here. I'm having to work very hard indeed not to buy them. Very hard.

Also, The Scientist is on the radio. ♥ overload.

*!!!!! :D ♥ !!!!!

Flesh for Fantasy = Never Changing the Radio Station

At work and nothing much to report. It is Rtardedly hot in here, and I am absolutely melting. Either there is something very wrong with my ability to regulate my body temperature or something wrong with all (3) of the buildings that I spend time in. I'm always either freezing cold or sweating buckets. Blah.

I love that my only complaints in life at the moment are tied to body temperature. Everything else is going wonderfully right now (*KNOCK ON WOOD!!!!!*) I leave Canada in a few short weeks and I think this is easily the most excited I've ever been about anything, ever.

I'm starting to stress a little, but it's all self-inflicted stress, brought on my guilt when I'm procrastinating and know I shouldn't be and it's easily overcome.

I'm going to miss this place; I have a great job, I've made some great friends and I live in a beautiful national park - but I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone back home that I haven't seen in 5.5+ months and I'm really looking forward to the part that comes after that, the end of the 108 day wait, when I'll fall into a state of ridiculous happiness which will somehow contrive to surpass what I'm feeling now.

:(

I'm using that face, 'cause there isn't a universally recognized I just vomited in my own mouth emoticon, and profound sadness at the situation is the runner up emotion. Soon after I got to work, this guy called, sounding fairly distraught and mumbling, then said something like, "Just let me put this down", set the phone down and proceeded to jerk off audibly. Yeah, perfect way to start my night. I'm terrified to answer the phone now. Apparently, he used to do this fairly frequently (I'm assuming it's the same guy), but stopped sometime before I started working here 5 months ago* and picked tonight to start up again. I tried to star 69 him, but it didn't work. Ugh. I so do not need this shit. I mean, honestly, why can't he just watch porn like everyone else?

Between that and learning about Bridalplasty, which is just a horribly depressing statement on the condition of the world, this hasn't been the greatest night ever. Dumb crap like this should not be getting to me, but for whatever reason, it is tonight.

I didn't make it to the gym tonight, and I really need to. I realized today that I haven't been since before Christmas. Not good.

On a much happier note, it's officially Jan 11. The past couple weeks have zoomed by... I can already feel the (comparatively) warm English rain on my face, smell airport smells and see London. I am so there.

*Hey, 5 months ago today - well, yesterday, but today for me... or something.

2011 Plans & Resolutions

I seem to switch back and forth between two opinions on New Years resolutions. Some years, I make tonnes (for 2009, I made 53 - I think I kept 2) and some years, I think it's stupid to need an excuse to do something that you should be doing anyway - IE: why would you wait until January to start going to the gym or quit smoking or start pottery lessons, or whatever it is that you're planning to do?

This year, well, I only really had one resolution, and I took care of it before 2011 started; I've already bought my plane ticket :) The past few months, I've filled this blog with allusions and (very) thinly veiled hints, so I thought today, as the first day of 2011 (I know, it's technically the second. I work graveyard. Sue me.), I would clarify a few things.

The countdown on the side of my blog is to Valentine's day, which just so happens, is the day I land(♥!). I'm going to the UK, where I plan to be blissfully (possibly even ridiculously) happy. I don't have a job yet, or a place to live, or a concrete plan for either of those things, and I'm not worried. I'll find a job, day to day life will be difficult for a while, pinching pennies will be an understatement of the necessary budgeting, I'll be poor. Poor and happy.

This reminds me of being a little kid on one of our roadtripesque* family vacations, bouncing up and down in the back seat, praying to some nameless higher power that soon, we'd just bloody get there. Although, when I was a kid, I was excited but also sullen and angry and impatient and now I'm pretty much just excited and impatient.

So, now to the planning. I have a million to do, and not too much time to do it in (see the counter). Time for more lists. :)

*On normal road trips, my understanding is that you stop and sleep occasionally, instead of driving for 18-26 hours nonstop.

Books and Other Stuff

In a couple of minutes, I'll have to start my night audit, but until that happens...

I made an account on LibraryThing tonight and merrily went about cataloguing all the books in my library - only to discover that I can't remember what books I own. At least not all of them. The other thing I discovered is that I own a lot of Heinlein, more than any other author. It's weird because as much as I like his work, he's maybe my second or third favourite author. Also, I'm not a huge science fiction fan in general.

This has got me thinking about my travel plans and my mini library, and how, for the time being, I will have to pack it up and store it - which isn't a huge deal; it's just that I have to find somewhere to store it, where it will be safe from water and extreme temperatures and my Dad*. My parents have been storing so much of my stuff for so long, I hate to ask them to hold onto anything, but if I follow my plan of reducing my possessions to 6 Rubbermaid containers, maybe they won't mind so much.

I still haven't made a list of the stories I want to focus on. I need to do that ASAP, because until I do, I'm just going to be writing little bits and pieces of everything and not getting anything done. Ugh.

I have a million lists to write (and more importantly, execute) and I have no idea where to start. I'm too bloody excited to focus on anything for more than a few minutes and it seems like whenever I say to myself "You're going to do it right now", something else comes up. IE: I could start making lists at this very moment, and would be making myself, but I have to start my paperwork for the night audit. I'm not complaining, exactly. I'm too happy to complain about much of anything - I'm more just thinking out loud (there needs to be a term for when you're doing this with text. Thinking out text or typing out loud or something).

Anyway, night audit time. Then, post night audit, list making time.

*My Dad loves to read, but he and I have a different philosophy on the value of books. He seems to think that their only value is in being read, so as long as you can continue to read them, everything's good. I agree that books are meant to be read, but I think when they're not being read, they should be on a shelf somewhere, rather than propped open on a nightstand, with a the front cover bent back in the bathroom or on the floor beside the bed.

An Update, While I'm Waiting for the Dishes to Dry

...and by dry, I in fact mean cool down... and by dishes, I mean dish water.

Right. Glad we've got that sorted.

So, updateness: Jasper-planning seems to have halted a bit. The lack of immediately available funds is sort of sucking the enthusiasm out of the trip-planning processs, but at least now we have a rough idea of what we're doing and a back up plan if our first idea doesn't work. Suddenly, I find myself in very high demand; everyone seems to want something before I go, but unfortunately, no one has any money to pay me. I'm not so worried about it, family is family, so of course I'll work for them as cheaply (free) as possible, but it's the amount of stuff too - as if they don't understand that my time is valuable or that I could conceivably have anything to do other than their stuff. I don't have a 9-5 job, so immediately, I have 24 hours a day of free time.

I'm a little stressed. I think a large portion of that is because I'm seriously considering moving to Jasper (or somewhere nearish to there) instead of just visiting and I haven't told anyone other than my family this yet. I won't decide for sure until Xmas, but I don't know. I just feel like I need to get away from here... but I think part of that is because, no matter where I am, I'm always looking for a way to escape my life... but now I'm freaking out because I'm afraid that if I go, my dog won't be looked after properly, or he'll just be horribly upset and do what he did last time I went away and spend weeks lying where my bed had been, looking sad. But he's too old to take with me, even if I was going by car or plane. Really, Loki is my hold up in everything. I can't stomach the idea of leaving him for huge periods of time... but if I could come home every three months or so, I think I could manage.

That's really it, actually. I hardly see most of my extended family now, and I can call my Gran and my Grandma from wherever. My Gran thinks I should be travelling anyway, and my Grandma won't remember how long I've been away anyway. My immediate family I'll miss, but we'll talk on the phone and send emails; there's nothing I can't cope with there.

K, well, I think my dish water is likely cooled enough to finish this load. Ugh, I hate dishes. Sorrry for the downer post; maybe the next one will be more cheerful.

Mmm...

9:04, and already it's been a productive day. Sometimes I wish I were a morning person; I love the feeling of having done something before most people in my house are out of bed.

I woke up at 7:11 after having gone to bed pretty late [we were up watching the season finale of Dr. Who (!!!!!)], and I'm pretty sure I could have gone right back to sleep, but for once, I didn't try. I got up, got showered, shaved my legs to silky smoothness, because I actually time to exfoliate first, got dressed and decided to take Jethro out on the town. I spent five or ten minutes installing a completely useless side mirror which I got at the dollar store to tide me over until I can afford proper mirrors, then off I went.

Out on the town in this case, is a 4.5k ride that I completed in about half an hour*. So, now it's quarter after 9:00, and I've showered (even if I do have to do it again), gone for an almost decent length bike ride and updated my blog. Soon people will wake up and then, all things going well (*knock on wood* and all of that), there will be something involving a beach.

*This means that for the coming trip, I have to add a little over 3k/h to my speed, which considering I've been riding... oh, I'd say four times in the past probably four years, is pretty damn good.

The Other Shop

I forget how I found Skreened.com. Something I read on Twitter, I think. The FU, BP design was something I came up with while looking for components for a design Rhiannon had come up with and as soon as I thought of it, I had to try to sell it. So far, I've sold two, which considered my limited marketing, I think is pretty good.

Apparently, the guy on Twitter who started BPGlobalPR is donating the profits from his BP Cares shirt to clean up efforts (this is what I've heard, I don't want to put words in his mouth). You'd think that the world in general would be making more noise about the BP SNAFU, but it seems like an angry (albeit hillarious and informative) Twitter account and a few BP-hating tee shirts are about it for the Anti-BP movement.

That's all I have about that for right now. In a couple of days, my big brother and Clayton will be taking off for parts unknown (well, unknown to some people. I know where they're going). They're hitch hiking there, which makes me nervous, but they're going to be together which makes me considerably less nervous. Also in a couple of days, my little sister and her boyfriend get their first apartment (FINALLY). Also, my older sister is the maid of honour in an upcoming wedding and my youngest brother's elementary school graduation is in 8 days, so it seems like everyone has crazy fun stuff going on for the next little while. I'm tired from the activity going on around me and wishing I had fun stuff like this to look forward to at the moment.

On the other hand, Spoy and I have plans that end with us in Vancouver for a chunk of the fall, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much... of course, our plans are contingent on getting in to some medical studies (hooray for human guinea pigs!), but what can you do?

Ok, I think that's really it. Funny how most of this post has nothing to do with the other shop.

Losing My Faith

I've lost my faith in Happily Ever After.

This is partly because people are total morons, and partly because I think I've been damaged beyond the capacity for happiness. I'd love to blame it all on the fact that men are idiots, but I can't, in good conscience, do that.

Men are idiots, true. I mean, I'm sure there are men who aren't, but there can't be many and those that are out there tend to get snatched up at the first chance some woman (luckier than me) gets. Out of the men I've been really close to (excluding family members), I've been treated well by... lets say four and a half of them (the jury's still out on the half). Of those, one is an ex, one is married, one is madly in love with his girlfriend and one is married and has a son who's older than I am (I should mention that I'm talking about all men that I've been close to, not just ones I've had some sort of romantic interest in or involvement with). The half is... I don't know. Part of me knows he's being a dick, and a big part of me is trying to convince myself otherwise - because I don't want to think that I fell for another asshole. I don't want to think I was stupid enough to be duped. On the other hand, I was never as emotionally invested in him as I used to get, there weren't any promises made, and no expectations, so other than not figuring out that it's generally considered good form to reply when someone asks you a direct question, he hasn't done anything wrong. He wasn't using me, or if he was, it wasn't any more than I was using him. We had a wonderful time together, and that's what I try to remember.

I really wish I could have a good cry and get him out of my system, but unfortunately (possibly fortunately - the jury's out on that, too), I don't think I can cry over a guy any more. I think that the guy I spent most of my teenage years and my earliest twenties pining over has drained me dry, and if there are any strong emotions left in me, they're buried so deep that it'll be a long time before they surface.

So, that's that. Maybe I should just try to hold out until some Gary Oldman clone wanders out of the woodwork and swoops me off my feet... yep, someone British, gorgeous and pro-cross-dressing. Sounds good to me.

So there's my rant about men. I really do think it's time for me to get the hell out of dodge, as they say, and head... I don't know. Anywhere.

Your Rates

So I'm in a bit better of a mood tonight. I called in sick to work, cleaned my kitchen, and for the first time in three or four nights, didn't cook dinner. After dinner we played Trivial Pursuit 6, which I came second in, which was pretty good, considering I was losing for most of the game.

Also, I've been going nuts lately, because I keep seeing signs for the real estate company Royal LePage, and I haven't been able to work out where I've seen the name before (I thought maybe it was a character in one of my stories)... it turns out that I titled a post Royal LePage because I saw one of their business cards or something on the desk where I was typing the post.

And the point of this post... I think it's time to go walk about. I really can't imagine where I'll go that I'll be happy (after the Rockies didn't do it, it's hard to think of somewhere that would), but I really think I should keep trying. Actually, I'm considering taking a two-three week vacation back to B.C. in the summer... I could bus out and bus back; I'd really just like to climb Burgess while the weather's warm... but I still have my dream of just loading up my backpack, wandering off, and hoping I end up somewhere cool... I think a lot of my problem is that I really dislike people, and most places have those.

Oh, also, I'm not going to school in the fall. The deadline for equal consideration was Feb 1st, and I didn't have (and still don't have) the $95 to pay for the application. Oh well. Can't be helped. I was already getting squirrelly at the idea of having to hang around the same place for a two year program, so maybe it's for the best.

I think that's everything for tonight. I kind of wish I could express exactly what I'm feeling, but I don't know that it's possible, and anyway, it's twenty to two in the am and I need to go to bed.