Sunday, October 31, 2010

Saturday, October 30, 2010

NaNoWriMo Starts in 3...2... Learn to Count, Athena

So, I came into work today (dressed as a sexy witch), all excited and thinking happily to myself that as of midnight, I could start work on eleven eleven wish. Because, as of midnight, it would officially be November 1.

Yeah, apparently not. At least now that it's after midnight, it actually is Halloween, so my sexy witchness isn't entirely without merit. The orange hair is serving me well tonight, let me tell you.... except I have to blame my inability to know what day it is on the fact that I'm working nights and have no sense of time, because I can no longer use the blonde cop out.

I had an interesting debate with our security guy about witches and witchcraft... still trying to figure out why he has no problem with water witches, but thinks that reading Tarot is bad. Whatever, I always enjoy messing with him, just a little bit.

I didn't do the zombie walk. I could have, but I had no one to go with, and when I walked past the group, I was kind of glad I skipped it - their costumes were a lot more elaborate than I could have bothered myself with right now. I'm staving off depression, forcing myself to go out and do things, to see the sun, etc., but that's about all I can manage right now. Sexy witch was a stretch for me, solidified by the fact that I would have had to wash my uniform in order to wear it.

So, less than 24 hours to NaNoWriMo 2010. So when I come to work "tomorrow", with all the stuff I had brought for tonight (notebook, 5 pages of outline, a pen), I can really get to work. Until then, I'll have to content myself with my frozen dinner and Halloween cupcakes.

Oh, and of course the fact that I have a chat date, which makes me incredibly happy.


NaNoWriMo '10

So NaNoWriMo starts in 2 days. Er, one day. Sorry; working nights effs with your brain's ability to know what day it is.

I won't have a computer until the end of next week at the earliest (probably a little later), so it looks like I'm going to be writing by hand for the first little while. This will likely slow me down a lot (since I write way slower than I type and I have no way of playing the music I need while I'm writing), but I think it should be ok. I already have the notebook I'm going to use and a 5-page step-by-step outline. I don't know what person or tense I'm going to be writing in yet, but I guess that will come to me.

(unrelated) My God, am I hungry.

When I get my new computer, the keyboard is going to be smaller than I'm used to, so that might slow me down... but, I was reading things on the NaNo site today and it seems like a lot of people write their daily quota (1667 words) in two or three hours of solid writing daily. It would be great if I could do that because now that I'm working nights, it won't be a problem for me to put that kind of time in while I'm at work. I'll be able to type some here and write some out long hand, and it will be brilliant. NaNo is going to rock this year - I can feel it.

(unrealted) My tooth is killing me.

I also have the cover art pretty well worked out in my head. (Somewhat) Unfortunately, I'll actually need to take a photo for this one, which means I'll need to acquire/borrow a good camera, then go out and buy the materials for a mini studio (wax paper, bristol board, display board, duct tape) and take it, then load it onto my new netbook and use Inkscape to finish it off. So, time consuming, but it will look awesome.

Something Quick

This post deserves a lot more space, and I might add to it later, but I'm at work right now, which means that pretty soon, I'll actually have to do work.

I dyed my hair today. I cut it and dyed it from its natural blonde to copper. I've seen two people since I did it, and 1/2 of them told me off for getting rid of the blonde. As for why I did it:

The impending badness that I've been eluding to took place and the only way I could think of to cope was to become someone else - someone not quite so connected to everything, and someone who is hopefully a more motivated person than I actually am. So, since this morning, I have been referring (in my head) to myself in the third person as New Athena. I ask myself, would New Athena wear this and I answer, Yes, yes, I think she would. New Athena doesn`t eat junk food, by the way. New Athena sets her alarm for a reasonable time and gets to work on time (still working on that one, actually ;) . New Athena is going to go to the gym every day, once she`s off her rag. (New Athena doesn`t care if people know she`s on her period. She`s a woman, and figures people can deal with it).

... and New Athena is not any less upset than she would have been had she stayed Old Athena. She misses him just as much.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A Question

I was looking online at pictures of lockets because I have a coin I'd like to put in one, and was looking for one of the appropriate age/size/style, etc. Through my browsing, a question formed in my brain, one I can't quite shake: Why the hell am I working in a hotel when I should be out designing jewellery and writing books? Worded another way: What the fuck am I doing with my life?

Don't get me wrong, my job is great. I mean, I've been here for an hour and I've spent half of that looking at pretty things online. In a few minutes, I'll do about ten minutes of work, then I'm free for another couple of hours - so I don't mean to make it sound like things are bad... but really, what am I doing? What are any of us doing? Why do we reach adulthood and discard that mantra of you can do whatever you want in favour of doing what's responsible or expected, or, hell, let's just call a spade a spade, whatever will make us the most money. I'm a capitalist to the core, but doesn't capitalism give us the inherent right to be poor - to try doing what we want to do, and to fail if we must?

Me, I've been poor my whole life. I'm sure that most of my childhood (and certainly all of my adulthood to date) were spent well below the poverty line. But that's the thing: poor is relative. If you took me and my living situation and dropped us in the backwater of some third world country, it would blow the people there away. What? Clean drinking water? Heat (usually)? Hot water (most days)? Electricity? A TV that works if you smack it really hard (or sometimes sit on top of it)? Sounds like Heaven. So I've been poor, but life hasn't been hard, not really. So why is being poor taboo? Why is there this stigma, like, Oh, you're poor? You must be kind of stupid and lazy and suffer from an inferior education? I'd love to know where that comes from. Actually, I'm not stupid, thanks. I've made some poor choices in my life, sure, but I'm not stupid. Lazy? In my day-to-day life, sure, but since that day-to-day has included working full time since I was 15, in an overall sense, by Canadian standards, I'm pretty badass - and yeah, my education wasn't great. I dropped out of university three years in. Why? Because I wanted to write. If I had to do it over, I don't know that I would do the same thing, but I stand by my decision. One book in four years isn't terribly impressive, I guess, but when I think of all the people who never finish that first novel, who are so hung up on writing a best-seller that they never write anything, I think that maybe I've done pretty well for myself, busted-ass TV and all.

I guess it's all about expectations - our own, our friends' and families' and society's. Unfortunately, I think too many people (myself included) let society's expectations shape their own. Society expects that I will fail if I don't make a plan of some kind, a template for how my life is supposed to play out - and in our little cookie-cutter land of lifetime blueprints, my life, all our lives should have gone something like this: Elementary school, high school, university, crap job, slightly better job, Kids, marginally OK job aaaaaand, plateau. Retirement. Death. Somewhere in there, if we can, if it's convenient and responsible, it wouldn't hurt for one or two of us to go backpacking in Europe, so the rest of us can live vicariously through them. This is the kind of life we're supposed to content ourselves with, be happy with even.

I don't mean this as a rant against The Man. I'm actually more angry with myself right now than with the retardedness that is our society. I don't understand how I keep convincing myself that I can be happy with a mediocre life. I can't. Maybe I can't be happy with any kind of life, who knows? But I do know that this daily grind, working week, make-ends-meet kind of bullshit isn't for me. I want out.

So rather than ranting, in an attempt to be proactive (and, unfortunately, a little bit responsible), a list of things to get, in order, with the money from the job that I won't be quitting until I have something better to go to:

  1. A Netbook for writing. Should have it by the end of the first week of November.
  2. A decent point-and-shoot; good SLR to follow.
  3. Supplies for jewellery (specifically: damaged or incomplete antiques from EBay, pliers, various types of wire, glass beads, strong glue, lacquer, a sketchbook just for my designs, some books about various techniques for manufacturing jewellery)
  4. Supplies to build a desk (I may have do do this after the netbook and before the camera; we'll see how my back holds up during NaNoWriMo.

And actually, for right now, I think that's it. Four things, and I think I'm on my way to a happier me.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The One Good Thing about Night Audit

I actually have the time and means to update my blog. What I'll update it with I don't know; my non-work life is blissfully simple right now, consisting mostly of eating, sleeping and watching British TV - and being so happy and content that it's almost painful.

I've been reading Russell Brand's My Booky Wook over the past few days and finding myself, as well as wanting to track the author down and give him a hug, so moved by it that (there isn't a that. It's just that you shouldn't have a so without one). I can't really connect with the specifically drug-abuse-related aspects of the book, but the emotions he writes about and with are crystal clear to me. I'm getting into the bits about rehab and taking life one day at a time, and feeling a bit of a tit for being actually inspired by an inspirational book, which I know is a stupid attitude to have - but I think that anyone who has been exposed to the Canadian version of inspirational literature will understand my reluctance to be moved by any inspirational literature.

I'm rambling. One of the bad things about night audit: by the time I've done all my work for the night and read a bit and completely exhausted all of the new content on and all of it's affiliates (guilty secret), I'm usually a bit too tired to actually make sense on my nothing blog posts. No matter; only 37 minutes to go, unless my relief is late again.

The day before yesterday I was here an hour later than I was supposed to be, yesterday, an hour and a half. Since I got to Jasper, I've been showing up to work hung over more than I ever have in the past - but at least I'm showing up. I usually have to run to make it to work on time, but I still manage it. Oh well. Can't have everything, and I'm resolved not to complain too much on account of wanting time off in the near future and possibly needing something to barter with.

Also, I'd love to know why I'm so effing hungry.

Sunday, October 17, 2010


It's 6:15 in the morning and I'm just killing time now, until my shift is over. They put me on night audit after just two training shifts. I hope I didn't eff anything up. The night audit thing was a stupid move on my point. I never think before I talk and it always gets me into a world of trouble.

Anywhom, life right now is pretty good. It's been wonderful, really, this past month, and if it weren't for the fact that I can see the end of the road, when the wonderfulness will disappear, I would still be spending all day every day wearing a huge, dorky grin on my face. But I can see it, and it's been a challange to stop myself from breaking down and/or having an anxiety attack every time I breathe or notice that they sky's blue or something like that.

Enough about that; I'm at work and can't afford a breakdown. Good stuff: right now, the offspring is playing on the radio and it's not being censored, and this channel is one of the ones on the official list of designated radio stations we're allowed to listen to at this time, so if guests come in and complain about the swearing, my hands are clean.

Also good, NaNoWriMo is coming up again and I've to decided to participate this year. I'm going to be completely rewriting a story I've been writing little bits of for... I think a year or more now. Don't worry; it's not cheating. Why? Because I'm going to start from scratch and literally rewrite every single word. NaNo is going to let me survive November. It's going to stop me from breaking down - and at the end of it, I'll have a story so emotional and depressing that publishing houses will be beating down my door. That's my plan, anyway. Obviously, there's nothing up there yet, but if you want to check out my story, Eleven Eleven Wish come November 1, you'll be able to find it here, as well as, probably,

I think that's it. I have way too many blogs, and I should probably update some of them.